QueeHR Leader Spotlight: Joan Speicher

“It started to really wear on me. I was so scared. Here I am rebuilding everything; my career, passion, livelihood. I didn’t know if people would be okay with [my identity]. It was terrifying. There’s so much at stake.”

This month, Joan Speicher, VP of HR at We Are Alexander, shares a heart-wrenching and inspiring story about how her identity as a lesbian both derailed and later inspired her career in HR. I’m so grateful for Joan’s vulnerability and commitment to serving others with compassion and grace. I also want to acknowledge Joan for her courage in reclaiming her career, identity, and being a stand for creating a sense of belonging so others don’t have to go through the pain she endured herself. Read on to learn more about Joan’s story, the possibility that exists beyond our fear, empathy in leadership, people-first HR and more.

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“I wasn’t ready to come out at my first job. It happened by accident.

I was at an event one weekend and ran into a coworker who was there with her partner, and I was there with mine. When we got back into the office on Monday morning she said to another coworker that she ran into me and mentioned my girlfriend’s name. The other person asked who that was and she innocently said “oh that’s Joan’s girlfriend.

Based on that one brief conversation, that individual went to my manager, and within 3 hours I was fired. 

I was fired because having a girlfriend was “not becoming of this organization.” That was the exact wording that she used. To her, being in a relationship with a woman, and in effect my identity, was unacceptable to her.

It was a traumatic experience and it pushed me away from HR, which had been my passion since college. I kind of retreated and took a job working in customer service sales, which I did not enjoy. But after two years, I decided I didn’t need to hide.

I needed to make things better for everybody else so that if somebody else is feeling targeted or somebody else doesn't feel like they don’t belong, they need to have a voice that can potentially make things better for them. It’s what I try to do with my people. I currently have 144 employees, and I want them to feel like they belong; that there’s somebody there that truly cares. And I might not be able to fix everything, but I think it’s important for us in HR to remember that these are humans. That’s who we’re working with, who we’re working for.

I would not advocate for anyone to come out before they’re ready. But I would advocate for people to take a hard look at what they want to be sharing with people and how you want to show up. I think people would be surprised at how welcoming and receiving people can truly be. That it’s not such a big deal anymore.”

What shifted for you to bring you back to HR?

I was talking to some really good friends about work, and the customer service job I had at the time. It wasn’t me. It was not my sweet spot. One of my friends said why’d you leave HR? You’ve always been HR. So I told her what happened and she was just appalled. And she said “Joan you can make a difference in HR if you go back, but you can’t make a difference if you hide.”

I talked to a couple other people and found a contracting role. It was a step back in my career level-wise, but it reignited my passion. Even with all the grunt work I was doing that no one else was excited about, I felt more passion than anything I was doing in the previous two years. I realized that's where I needed to go. I started networking and moving my way up in other companies and I continuously built and added to my toolbox different ways to make things better for people and to improve processes and policies across the HR profession.

What was it like reentering HR after having gone through that experience and knowing this is an opportunity for you to make a difference?

I felt really impassioned. I’ve always enjoyed HR and helping people. It really reminded me why I enjoy HR in the first place and getting away from it for two years reminded me of why we needed to do better in HR. I was experiencing how cold, distant and non-employee centric HR was from the employee perspective. So it really lit a fire under me that I put a lot more time and effort, including ongoing education, to make things better for people.

What was it like reclaiming your identity?

At the first couple roles I was still closeted. I was standing up for what I believed in, but I still wasn’t ready to be out. I was always conscious about the use of pronouns, being cautious about how I described my weekends, making sure I didn’t say “my girlfriend and I.” Eventually I felt like I wasn’t being truthful. And here I was saying we need to be authentic, bring our true selves, include everyone and yet here I am not being true to myself. 

It started to really wear on me. I was so scared. Here I am rebuilding everything; my career, passion, livelihood. I didn’t know if people would be okay with it. It was terrifying. There’s so much at stake. 

We didn’t have the laws to protect us, but I just had to. I took a leap and informed my manager at the time. She was wonderful, understanding. It was kind of a non-event. It was about 10 years ago now and I just decided if I really wanted to be who I am, I need to show up as my authentic self, and not try to fit a mold. Not worry about saying the exact right thing; just being who I am. Giving myself grace, allowing grace for others if they make mistakes. Everyone is dealing with some type of chaos. And we need to be kind and lend a helping hand when we can.

What shifted for you after the point when you started living more in integrity with your authentic self?

A lot more freedom. A lot more energy. I wasn’t having to be so concerned about every little thing I was saying. I wasn’t concerned about hiding this big piece of me. I am who I am, but when I was in the closet, I was hiding a big part of me. When I was able to move away from that, open up and share, I felt a sense of freedom. It’s still a challenge at times, but overall I feel a lot more alive and connected to who I am. I don’t have separate selves I have to manage. I’m not worried about hiding. It’s a really freeing and energizing feeling.

What are some of the lessons you’ve learned from all of these experiences?

Being an empathetic leader is the biggest one that stands out. My leader at the time when I came out was so empathetic and understanding. She had no idea what my experience was like, but was open to learning. It’s important to address issues when we can, but it’s important to remember that we’re all human and have unique experiences. We have to be empathetic to the situations that people are dealing with. That was a really big game changer for me. The amount of grace and empathy she showed, and her ongoing commitment to learn more and talk to other leaders about how to normalize these types of conversations at the company so that people feel comfortable in who they are. I’ve taken this with me everywhere I’ve gone.

Part of employment is constant change. Understanding and being open to new perspectives to help us make better decisions. I’ve been in HR for 20+ years but there’s not a day that goes by when I'm not learning something new. We have to keep learning, evolving and having an open mindset so that we’re not just challenging our beliefs, we’re changing them when needed. 

How has your identity strengthened who you are as a leader?

My empathy has definitely grown. I’m able to connect better with people because I’m “different.” I think when I’m open with people about who I am, it opens the door for other people who feel different in whatever way to open up more, too. It’s easy to just float along and take the easy road. Putting yourself out there in an authentic way creates challenges; it creates waves. And those can sometimes be exhausting. Sometimes you just want to fly under the radar. But by being my authentic self, it’s forced me to stand up for others and myself, and speak a little more passionately about belonging and inclusion. Such a big part of being able to show up as your authentic self is having that sense of belonging and feeling like you have a leader who sees you for who you are.

When you reflect back on your career, what stands out as something you’re most proud of?

Realizing that people are more important than process. My last role was where I truly realized this. There was a situation where I just couldn’t help someone in the way I wanted because the policy in place dictated how we had to handle it. I was trying to find all the loopholes I could, but I couldn’t find one that fit the situation to handle it the way I would want to. That’s when I realized I need to prioritize people over process.

Before that moment I would have said the proudest moment was when I got my HR certification. I was so proud of myself. I always struggled in school, I always had to study extra hard. Taking the certification was such a scary process.

But having this shift to people over process has changed who I am as a leader, how I interact with my team, and how I approach working with my senior leaders. 

Have you had to bring others along with you while making that shift to people first?

I have. Some have come willingly, and others decided it’s not what they want. This approach isn’t new, but it’s getting more traction in the HR community. Policies are typically worded so you cover all of your bases. And you have to word things to protect against what a small minority of individuals might do to take advantage; to cheat the system. But what that does is hurt all the others. You’re not allowed to have flexibility and allow for real life experiences when you start building restrictive and sweeping policies. 

For example, why do we need to have a dress code policy? I see how in some scenarios it’s necessary for safety concerns like not wearing dangling jewelry while operating machinery. But a dress code policy that tells people to cover their tattoos, wear their hair a certain way or dress in certain attire can be harmful. It may be easy for some. But tattoos can be significant to people; it might be connected to their heritage, have religious significance, or be deeply personal in some way. You’re creating unnecessary limits. And the reason you have that policy is in fear of someone showing up to work unprofessionally. 

Policies have a place and legal compliance is important. But take for example the situation where you create a dress code policy because you think a customer will be offended if they come into your office and see someone with a tattoo. Do you want those types of customers and clients? Or do you want your people to show up as their authentic selves? Is it your customers, or your people? I think it’s your people, because if you keep them happy, your customers are going to be happy. They’ll have better service, and a better experience because the people around them are actually enjoying their job. 

What would you like to be acknowledged for?

I work with a great group of people who acknowledge me on a daily basis. What I would love is for this story to resonate with someone to help them be a little more comfortable with who they are. And I welcome anyone to connect with me on LinkedIn, and share their story with me. I’m always willing to hear that. I think that would be an awesome acknowledgement; that this story helps someone.

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For more information about the QueeHR community we’re building, you can visit my community page and request to join our LinkedIn group. And if you know of an HR/People leader in the queer community whose story you’d like to see spotlighted, please let me know!