Who Is The Real Imposter Here?
There is plenty written about how to beat imposter syndrome. Like making a list of your accomplishments, exploring your relationship with failure, changing your internal narrative, and looking at facts not feelings.
These things can help.
I’ll offer a different perspective for you to reflect on.
As I was coaching a salesperson this week, he shared that he often feels like an imposter going into sales meetings with senior executives.
He feels present to the impact his young age and feminine flare have on his ability to connect with more seasoned business leaders and deliver them value. Of course, this is just the story he’s telling himself. He’s an exceptional seller.
As a result, he steps into this weird alternative version of himself that’s more “professional” which for him translates into robotic, monotone and impersonal.
I asked if that toned down approach was more helpful in getting his message across.
Yawn. Of course not.
An amazing shift happened when he realized that the very act of trying not to be an imposter was making him an imposter.
He was being an imposter to himself.
Brené Brown reminds us that in order to belong, we have to belong to ourselves first.
So, who is the real imposter here...you, or the imposter version of you born from your attempts not to be an imposter?
My invitation to you is to create a clear distinction between the two.
Try the following practice:
Build a profile for each. Who are you, and who is your imposter? Get creative and have fun with this. Below are some questions to start with.
YOU: What is your name? How do you show up when you’re at your best? How do you feel (e.g. confident, calm, excited)? What kinds of things do you tell yourself (e.g. I love this work)? What energy do you bring (e.g. enthusiasm, warmth)? What impact do you have on others (e.g. comfort, delight, joy)?
YOUR IMPOSTER: What is their name? How do they show up? How do they feel (e.g. anxious, scared)? What kinds of things do they tell themselves (e.g. I don’t belong)? What energy do they bring (e.g. nervous, cold)? What impact do they have on others (e.g. fear, distrust)?
Notice who shows up. By breathing life into a separate identity for your imposter, you’ll improve your awareness of when they’re showing up. You can then begin to distance yourself from this unwelcome person and all of the negative feelings they bring. As a result, you can shift the heaviness and stress you feel to the weird alternative imposter version of you. Not you. You don’t have to take responsibility for their shit.
Choose carefully. Call your imposter by name and say, “I see you. Nice try. But. Girl, bye. Thank u, next.” or whatever works for you. This is your show, this is your party, this is your life. Don’t let your imposter steal the spotlight. Reconnect with the energy, feelings and behaviors the real you brings. That’s who everyone loves. Choose to show up as the real you. If that’s what you want.
My name is Chris. I’m gentle and loving. Thoughtful, compassionate. I thrive at creating safe space and building trust. I embody joy and peace - the calm amidst the storm. I am empathy in action. I bring comfort, tenderness and affection. I love Chris. We create space for him.
My imposter’s name is Chad. He’s kind of broey. Outwardly confident, inwardly insecure. Shies away from his emotions. Muted enthusiasm. A little judgy. Impatient. Takes a while to build deep connections with others. I don’t love Chad. Sometimes he shows up, but he’s not invited to the party.
Who are you?
Who is your imposter?
What are they like?
