A simple question. But why can it feel so difficult to answer? It’s a question I ask in some form in all of my coaching sessions. What I often hear from people who are struggling to figure out what they want out of a job, their career, a relationship, a conversation or a key leadership decision is a desire for clarity. And perhaps there’s some frustration that comes along with not being able to figure out how to move forward.

When professional services network giant EY was thinking about its employee experience strategy last year—about employee engagement, about its return-to-office strategy, about the struggles facing the organization and its workers—there was one theme that executives kept coming back to in their conversations: wellbeing.

The pandemic pause brought us to a moment of collective reckoning about what it means to live well and to work well. As a result, employees are sending employers an urgent signal that they are no longer willing to choose one — life or work — at the cost of the other. Working from home brought life literally into our work. And as the world now goes hybrid, employees are drawing firmer boundaries about how much of their work comes into their life. Where does this leave employers?

While the world was experiencing widespread shutdown and companies promptly shifted to remote work from home, the focus was on how companies would adapt to this new normal of the pandemic.

One of the things I love about working with leaders in the HR/People space is they tend to be heart-centered, kind, empathetic humans. They care deeply for the people at their companies, which is reflected in their “people-first” approach to decision-making and operations for their organizations. But too much empathy can get in the way when it comes to your leadership.

You know that feeling when your brain feels kind of tingly after a conversation that stretches your thinking and pushes you for deeper understanding? Like you can almost feel the neurons firing to create new connections in your brain? That's how I felt after yesterday's QueeHR Monthly Meetup on the topic of "Inclusion in the Wake of Roe"...

This month, Joan Speicher, VP of HR at We Are Alexander, shares a heart-wrenching and inspiring story about how her identity as a lesbian both derailed and later inspired her career in HR. I’m so grateful for Joan’s vulnerability and commitment to serving others with compassion and grace.

I’m excited to share the unique insights and experiences from Joseph Levin-Manning, DEI Program Manager at CareFirst BlueCross BlueShield. We talked about community, the unique challenges of being mixed-race while holding other identities, equitable benefits, the importance of empathy, art as a connecter, and more. To me, Joe is depth, heart, humility, compassion and connection.

This month, I had the great pleasure of connecting with Rosa Scheepers, VP People and Operations at Legalpad, to talk about her career journey, coming out story, challenges and opportunities as a leader with intersecting identities, advice for other leaders and more.

It's so tempting to look at a leader you admire, or someone who seems to have it figured out, and try to emulate what they do. Or as it happens quite often, you expect there's a "right" way to lead, so you do all the research about good leadership and start changing yourself to fit into what's expected.

Leadership is not a title, it’s a choice.
Leadership is not a task, it’s a commitment.
Leadership is not given, it’s created.

I often hear from HR leaders that they don't want to burden their teams with their own "stuff." I get it. And I agree that it's probably best not to be a hair on fire leader who presents as a total mess. There's a balance of bringing your humanity and being a leader that people can look to for a sense of ease, especially during uncertain times. But I've noticed a tendency in myself and others to refuse help from our teams, perhaps when we need it most.

A client was asking me about how to get better at giving feedback, specifically if I had any tools she could use. As an HR leader, this is an important skill especially given her role coaching other leaders on the same topic. The problem is, it's easy to jump into using a framework (e.g. SBI) without exploring your relationship to feedback in the first place. How you relate to feedback inevitably impacts how you deliver and receive it, regardless of any tools you have at your disposal.

I was coaching a Head of People at a growing startup recently who wanted to show up more fully as herself in her role. She’s been in HR for over 20 years, and as a non-white, introverted female among mostly outgoing white male executives, she finds herself holding back even when she knows she has a lot to offer. For example, in executive meetings she may choose not to speak up because the story she tells herself is that people won’t see value in her ideas.

When planning for the future, we tend to set our sights on a specific goal or outcome we want to achieve. I want to get promoted this year. I want to be a VP by the time I'm 30. I want to double our headcount in 2021. I want to find a new job in the next 12 months. Whatever it might be, defining clear goals is great. But there's another piece of this that's even more important that you're probably not considering...

One of the most consistent ways I hold myself back as a leader is the belief that there is a "right" and a “wrong” way to do things. And I see this all the time for HR leaders who are regularly facing situations they've never encountered before. You need to make an important decision, take the lead on a big project, give your input to the CEO, or any number of never-before-seen scenarios that come up. Imposter syndrome hits you in the face.

One of my defense mechanisms is to wait until I feel ready before I start doing. The impact of that is procrastinating work or shying away from commitments that scare me. I do this even when I know these are the very things that will support me in being a better leader, growing as a person and building my business.

As any golfer knows, playing in windy conditions is tough. It requires patience, precision and a sense of calm. I was reminded of this when I was hitting golf balls at the driving range recently. The natural tendency when the wind howls is to speed up your swing; swing faster to hit the ball farther. But when you swing fast into the face of strong winds, you get off balance and lose your natural rhythm.

Making a commitment is giving yourself permission to create something awesome.

We tend to think about our work as what we do. Stuff that we have to get done. A list of things to get through.